Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Merry-Go-Rounds...

Oh, if I could only get the spinning to stop...

It's not easy living with a somewhat uncontrollable beast that's camped out inside your head. Over the years I've done my best to simply maintain stability, yet most-times all to no avail. Just when I'm beginning to think things are calming down, everything explodes. The first step is always to admit the problem...I guess I'm doing that now.

I have a problem.
I'm an over-anxious, aggressive, intimidating individual with a huge...huge case of hyperactive Adult ADHD. Combined with my ultra-sensitive case of OCD (or as my daughter would say CDO...it's like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order...like they should be), life in my head is...well...(I'll let you fill in the blanks).
At any moment in time, I'm flippin' channels on the TV, checking my email, talking to 4 different students online, listening & memorizing new music, texting 5 different people and blogging...all at the same time. NO KIDDING! That's not to mention making a couple of phone calls and drinking coffee right in the middle of it all. Granted, I can accomplish a large list of things in a very short period of time, but my head feels like I've got a Tasmanian Devil trapped inside. It would just be nice if it would all go away when I sleep...but it doesn't. It keeps spinning...and spinning...and spinning...
What I've noticed over the years, is that even though my 'accomplishment rate' is phenomenal, it's easy for me to lose sight of the bigger picture. After all, if we miss the 'why', the 'what' sometimes becomes irrelevant. 'Busy' is the verb of the day...the decade. Why do we do what we do? Are we lost in this never-ending downward spiral where we're more focused on individual tasks instead of the final outcome? Is any of this making any sense or is this the beast taking over?
Even now as I write this, I'm making corrections on my calendar...listening & memorizing a new song...texting 2 students...talking with 3 other students online, making to-do lists (now that's funny) for this coming Freshmen Weekend at TU...and having dinner, oh and I'm checking the weather radar online.
Do you get it? Are you like me too? How do YOU do it? How do you tame the monster?
Imagine being on an old-school merry-go-round. Thirteen screaming kids all running and pushing their hardest to get that old merry-go-round to go as fast as it will go, then just at the right moment, jumping on for that unforgettable adrenaline rush...trying to hold on...

WEEEEEEEEEE!
Welcome to the corridor of my mind...
Then just as you least expect it, the merry-go-round comes to an abrupt halt. Some crazy child thought it would be cool to put his feet down and use them as brakes and has successfully brought this playground party to an crashing end. Kids are thrown in every direction, laughter transforms into tears, and as you look back, the mechanical marvel of the merry-go-round sits eerily still...motionless in time. And the images in your mind of the last few seconds play back over and over again like a video player stuck in rewind mode.
This is exactly what happens when I get a good dose of reality. Everything's going non-stop on this merry-go-round inside my mind, then reality steps in and brings my party crashing down around me. My instinct tells me to get up quick, get that merry-go-round going again...faster than ever before, only to realize my partners-in-crime are tired of this game and want to do something different. It's no longer about me...it's about others...it's about something bigger...
I forget sometimes about that much bigger picture...no, not forget about it, just am too focused...'busy' with the menial daily tasks to take that necessary glimpse. It's harsh at the moment, but very quickly the harshness fades away and the picture becomes crystal clear. Yep, I see the picture...I get it...
I've had a good dose of reality lately. And I didn't like it. But I needed it. My merry-go-round was going full tilt, almost out of control. I still don't like it. But if someone had not have applied the brakes when they did, I would seriously have missed & overlooked the main objective of the ride itself. And I'm very thankful for that. I'm focused again...kinda scary, huh?
I wonder if that's what it was like for one of Christ's disciples in Matthew 8:21. Ready to go...do...be, but this one had other things to do...his mind was occupied...OCD...busyiness...
I don't want to be like that guy. But I could be...could you?
Things I have to do: 1.) I have to...oh no, the merry-go-round is moving again, and it's my turn to help push...

1 comment:

Jeff said...

Fantastic post! The content is wonderful and challenging for those of us multi-taskers.

The power of it will be greater if you will demonstrate a consistent, slow-motion focus over a sustained period. I keep reminding myself that just because I've identified an issue, journaled or blogged about it, doesn't mean that it's been dealt with.

It's cathartic to "get it out" but it still remains to be seen how we deal with it.

Go buy that person a java every time they inspire you to write a post like this!